Clinton Jokes
Q: What do Monica Lewinsky and Bob Dole have in common?
A: They were both upset when Bill finished first.
Q: What is Bill's definition of safe sex?
A: When Hillary is out of town.
Q: What is the difference between Clinton and the Titanic?
A: Only 200 women went down on the Titanic.
Q: How does Bill keep Monica Lewinsky away from the White House?
A: He keeps offering to send Ted Kennedy over to give her a ride.
Q: What does Bill say to Hillary after a romantic interlude?
A: "Honey, I'll be home in 20 minutes."
Q: Why does Bill Clinton cheat on Hillary?
A: He wants to be on top.
Q: How did Bill Clinton paralyze Hillary from the waist down?
A: He married her.
Q: When did Clinton realize Paula Jones wasn't a Democrat?
A: When she didn't swallow everything he presented.
Q: What's the difference between Bill Clinton and a gigolo?
A: A gigolo can only screw one person at a time.
Q: What's the definition of an Arkansas Virgin?
A: A girl that can run faster than the Governor.
Q: What does Teddy Kennedy have that Bill Clinton wishes *he*
did?
A: A dead girlfriend.
Q: What game did Bill Clinton want Paula Jones to play?
A: Swallow the leader
Q: Why is Clinton so interested in events in the Middle East?
A: He thinks the Gaza Strip is a topless bar.
Q: How many women does it take to satisfy Bill Clinton's sexual
appetite?
A: It takes A Village!
Clinton is looking out of the window and he notices that someone
has
urinated
the message, "BILL SUCKS!" on a wall outside the White
House. Furious, he
orders
the FBI to take urine and handwriting samples from every member
of the White
House staff and find the culprit immediately. A week later, the
FBI director
calls. "Mr. President, I have good news and bad news,"
he says. "The good
news
is that the urine belongs to Bob Dole." "And the bad
news?" Clinton demands.
After a slight pause, the director replies, "Sir, the
handwriting belongs to
your wife!"
President French-Fry was out jogging when a Hooker standing on
the corner
hailed him. "Hey Mr. President! Fifty bucks!" "No,
no." Bill replied with
a grin, "Five bucks!" and kept on jogging. This
exchange soon became a part
of the President's normal routine. Each day as he'd approach the
corner,
the hooker would yell out, "Hey Mr. President... Fifty
Bucks!" and Bill
would holler back, "No, Five Bucks!" Well, one day,
Hillary decided she
wanted to go jogging with Bill. As they neared the corner, Bill
suddenly
realized what a terrible scene was about to happen. Sure enough,
there was
the hooker, and just like all the other times she smiled and
waved and
yelled out, "Hey Mr. President... See what you get for Five
Bucks!"
President Clinton looks up from his desk in the Oval Office to
see one of
his aides nervously approach him. "What is it?"
exclaims the President.
"It's this Abortion Bill Mr. President, what do you want to
do about it?"
the aide replies. "Just go ahead and pay it." responds
the President.
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